Douglas Adams Continuum (DAC)

I'm worshipable, am I not!?

I write funny stuff, I am eccentric enough, (why, my private life alone is entertaining enough to draw media attention), I'm so fed up with being a bloody cab-driver of whom no one takes notice of... no, erm, I meant to say, I get rich or die trying – so brethren, gather around me (I mean, not to close, you smelly lot, always three steps behind me, of course) and send me your beautiful daughters (lock up the ugly bitches if they are not) or if you are female and young and beautiful then you shall come yourself. I bestow upon you my divineness and, if you have shown your devotion sufficiently, I will touch you with my magic wand! (*snigger*)

I shall be henceforth called The Meister, because I am German and worshipable (and, oh, have seen American Pie a number of times, obviously).

The DAC shall henceforth be called The Meister's Continuum and we shall discuss funny things I pick out of my nose... no, you shall discuss, I will just nod approvingly or unleash my righteous anger upon you, depending on what you come up with, of course.

So, brethren, join in my media-campaign/sign a petition “We don't want an official sequel, there are already enough fan-written ones!â€

tempting offer, jochen, but my worshipping agenda is quite full already, so i´ll pass, thanks.

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"The human gene pool needs more lifeguards!
Either that or stronger chlorination...." (Pitbull)

*wopping this thread into a more appropriate foruum*
!wop!

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(... don't piss us off)

Oh dear. Look, bit of advice that you may find useful: It is important to have character, not to BE a character. Think on that for a while, huh? Get back to me if it sinks in and actually helps at all.

Cheers, J.

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"If you are disappointed in any way with our service, then please. Don't hesitate. FEEL disappointed." Fentible.

Hang on, I thought I was next in line to be worshipped. This isn't very fair...

Dr. S.

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Imagine a ball of iron, the size of the sun. And once a year a tiny sparrow brushes its surface with the tip of its wing. And when that ball of iron, the size of the sun, is worn away to nothing, your punishment will barely have begun.

www.sinisterincorporated.co.uk

www.tabletown.co.uk

Blow him up, your supreme-ness.

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vagabond
birds, any birds, anywhere, any time

No worries, for another dead guy promised all their 15 minutes. When I get mine, if they didn't whoosh by disguised as my life, I shall demand to be entitled 'your uselessness' or 'holy vanilla spread', or 'ok, get on with it, we're waiting...'.
Peace
Skei (the 'the utter uselessness of it all one)

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Ophelia was a preference, not humanly accessible, not as such.

oh come on, isn´t my worshipping enough? i´m trying my best here, but as i said, my agenda is so full these days!

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"The human gene pool needs more lifeguards!
Either that or stronger chlorination...." (Pitbull)

I don't whoreship.

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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
(Douglas Adams, "Last Chance to See")

That a picture of you? You look whoreshipable! (I mean that in a good sense)

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Jochen Lembke, Europe´s cab-driving writer, Germany, England, Switzerland and so on, the cab-world-record that goes on and on, and author of the best H2G2-sixth volume ever written or else money back!
Blog in English language: http://ejochenlembke.wordpress.com/

"It's All Like A Kind Of Huge Burst Of Human Brain Activity - But Sort Of Centred Round My Post"

Right, brethren, I get my own forum, that's what I call a start. (Obviously I'm bizarre enough to get accepted here)

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Jochen Lembke, Europe´s cab-driving writer, Germany, England, Switzerland and so on, the cab-world-record that goes on and on, and author of the best H2G2-sixth volume ever written or else money back!
Blog in English language: http://ejochenlembke.wordpress.com/

That's the first time that I've been mistaken for Emma Peel. Must be the leather...

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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
(Douglas Adams, "Last Chance to See")

but do you ship whores?

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"The human gene pool needs more lifeguards!
Either that or stronger chlorination...." (Pitbull)

Dunno about Stef but I had dealings this this lot at work

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D.
The Thirteenth Triskaidekaphobe
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Only if they come with flat rates.

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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
(Douglas Adams, "Last Chance to See")

Steedy on stef!

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love is a wet spot on the mattress of my life! Tracy Lundgren

after our performance a bunch of little kids were in awe of the size of my bassoon. Appogg

Jochen, come back when you're dead and we'll see about the whoreshipping thing...

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Before long now, I'll reach the age where farting will be an essential part of propulsion.
(...don't piss us off)

DAC have some funds still don't they?

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Batman: Nobody wants war.

Robin: Gee, Batman. Belgravia's such a small country. We'd beat them in a few hours.

Batman: Yes, and then we'd have to support them for years.

Could I just drag this guy to Hell right now? Just asking.

Being the sensitive type, I’d hate to hurt anyone’s feelings.

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Take that, My naughty little donkeys!

well, you wouldn´t hurt mine. but go easy on him.

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"The human gene pool needs more lifeguards!
Either that or stronger chlorination...." (Pitbull)

I made a mental note! (But, do remember me, if I forget, I'm absent-minded.)

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Jochen Lembke, Europe´s cab-driving writer, Germany, England, Switzerland and so on, the cab-world-record that goes on and on, and author of the best H2G2-sixth volume ever written or else money back!
Blog in English language: http://ejochenlembke.wordpress.com/

Clumsy German klutz, don't no nothing about English culture, jawohl. Ein toast to that! Vill vorship Emma Peel, zen, sorry...

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Jochen Lembke, Europe´s cab-driving writer, Germany, England, Switzerland and so on, the cab-world-record that goes on and on, and author of the best H2G2-sixth volume ever written or else money back!
Blog in English language: http://ejochenlembke.wordpress.com/

You're talking about being sensitive, you bad man, you! I told my mama about what's going on here, about people wearing purple wings and using words like "wank-fest" and she told me to stay away from them nasty boys... I go play with my new toy, now, can't talk to you any more...

I had to edit that.
I'm loosing my mojo, if I can't do a proper taunting anymore...

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Jochen Lembke, Europe´s cab-driving writer, Germany, England, Switzerland and so on, the cab-world-record that goes on and on, and author of the best H2G2-sixth volume ever written or else money back!
Blog in English language: http://ejochenlembke.wordpress.com/

Tricky things, these edited posts, you'd think the post is old, but no, it's edited and... oh, hang on a minute...?
Right, and I thought it's all fun here.
But I guess the fun is over, huh?
For character is quite a serious word, isn't it? It is not to be used lightly, it's got more of a grim and decisive-like quality, hasn't it?

All right, let's talk about character, then.
Now, you see, this guy, Kevin, all he ever wrote about me are these two remarks: “Deluded... or what? But see for yourselfâ€

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Jochen Lembke, Europe´s cab-driving writer, Germany, England, Switzerland and so on, the cab-world-record that goes on and on, and author of the best H2G2-sixth volume ever written or else money back!
Blog in English language: http://ejochenlembke.wordpress.com/

I don't know why you seem to be so full of yourself, Jochen, but it's becoming really annoying. Kevin has a record you could only dream of and is in general one of the sweetest guys around. So give it a rest, ok?

I thought I'd never have to ask on this forum but do we have an ignore function?

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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
(Douglas Adams, "Last Chance to See")

Chill out Jochem! Kevin is a lovely guy! I'm pretty sure he won't take offence at your posts! But you should remember that this is a forum for those interested in the life and works of Douglas Adams. Not Jochem Lembe! You are more than welcome to stay and enjoy this little world! But please give up on the self promotion! If you look at the Iain Colfer threads, you'll see that most of us think a new h2g2 book is not a good idea!

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love is a wet spot on the mattress of my life! Tracy Lundgren

after our performance a bunch of little kids were in awe of the size of my bassoon. Appogg

You're wearing a Freudian slip today?

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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
(Douglas Adams, "Last Chance to See")

No, just the pink panties with the lacy sides and the reincorced gusset.

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love is a wet spot on the mattress of my life! Tracy Lundgren

after our performance a bunch of little kids were in awe of the size of my bassoon. Appogg

Eoin = Iain = Ian = John = Jean = Jan = Juan, etc

All from some so called saint

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D.
The Thirteenth Triskaidekaphobe
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let me add "Johann" and "Johannes" to your little collection. and, unless i´m very much mistaken, there´s also "Jochen" ...
my, arent´we interconnected these days! or maybe it´s just another meaningless coincidence.

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"The human gene pool needs more lifeguards!
Either that or stronger chlorination...." (Pitbull)

1. Didn't I know that, I called him "sweet little thing", already. Right guys, so I remove the stuff about him before I get diabetes.

2. Oh, come, don't be a hypocrate, my "annoying" post has already gotten twice the attention my other one has, posted the same date. The DAC loves "annoying"!

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Jochen Lembke, Europe´s cab-driving writer, Germany, England, Switzerland and so on, the cab-world-record that goes on and on, and author of the best H2G2-sixth volume ever written or else money back!
Blog in English language: http://ejochenlembke.wordpress.com/

1. Who cares about Jochem Lembe, Srissvate? The Meister's name is Jochen Lembke. But anyway... you're right. I'm just so full of me because I was constantly ignored as a child. The DAC shouldn't suffer because of that. I shall be henceforth called: "The one that slaps himself woefully for wanting too much attention!"

2. I will quote that if you don't object. If only I'd knew what h2g2 means

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Jochen Lembke, Europe´s cab-driving writer, Germany, England, Switzerland and so on, the cab-world-record that goes on and on, and author of the best H2G2-sixth volume ever written or else money back!
Blog in English language: http://ejochenlembke.wordpress.com/

*Yawn*

(Thanks, you guys, for speaking up for me... )

no prob, kevin. we´re even worshipping you!

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"The human gene pool needs more lifeguards!
Either that or stronger chlorination...." (Pitbull)

Does that include me, sweet boy?
Hey, can I have a bite of you? Wait, where's my insulin...

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Jochen Lembke, Europe´s cab-driving writer, Germany, England, Switzerland and so on, the cab-world-record that goes on and on, and author of the best H2G2-sixth volume ever written or else money back!
Blog in English language: http://ejochenlembke.wordpress.com/

I thought it was pronounced 'Owen'.

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(... don't piss us off)

I thought it was pronounced 'Ohgwen'.

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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
(Douglas Adams, "Last Chance to See")

Pronounced "Oan" - as in "Moan", which is nicely appropriate
One syllable whereas Owen is two

Quite a common name in Ireland but only Gaelic nuts call their kids it in Scotland. Most prefer the more modern Scots Iain or the Anglicised Ian.

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D.
The Thirteenth Triskaidekaphobe
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[quote="Kevin Davies"]*Yawn*

Now that's character, huh?

Anyway, *yawn* back. No more further comments about you, Kev, I'm sorry, I brought you this extra attention.
Dudes, you didn't get me so far.
Not a single one and that's what worries me. Look, I'm not into worshipping. I give a rat's ass about being worshipped, I hate people who want to be worshipped and I pity people who do it.
This here was not at all about me wanting to be worshipped, this was a satire about you worshipping.
Really, I think you need a guy like me from time to time to knock you back in shape so you won't loose your grip on reality entirely. Now “let this sink in for a while and maybe come back to meâ€

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Jochen Lembke, Europe´s cab-driving writer, Germany, England, Switzerland and so on, the cab-world-record that goes on and on, and author of the best H2G2-sixth volume ever written or else money back!
Blog in English language: http://ejochenlembke.wordpress.com/

Good luck then.

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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
(Douglas Adams, "Last Chance to See")

I'm so sorry. Probably not paying much attention...

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love is a wet spot on the mattress of my life! Tracy Lundgren

after our performance a bunch of little kids were in awe of the size of my bassoon. Appogg

I understand exactly where you're coming from Jochy and I see the humour in your posts. The reason for this is like me you don't use smilies, emoticons or whatever you want to call them to to point out how we should react. I have no trouble at all identifying the funny bits because I take time to read properly what you've written. I am also aware that English is not your first language and having spent a few years living in Holland am fully aware of how sometimes it's easy to be misunderstood.

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Her mouth opened, her eyes patients, the variety of age and constitution as a pullets egg, with some gobbits of fat, and the heavy sand.

(... don't piss us off)