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 Post subject: Well, crap.
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 6:46 am 
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Actually, She's a Girl
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Where the hell am I supposed to talk about Ken Socrates now?

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Oh, I see. You were lampooning me.





It was a simple lampoon.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 8:50 am 
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Half witted crap?


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:43 am 
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Front page of the National Enquirer?

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 11:50 am 
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or the webforum of the FBI, as usual.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 2:18 pm 
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uncontested and incontestible
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In the dark recesses of the dankest cesspool of rank humanity you can find.


Translation: Sports & Bollocks (mk II)

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 2:32 pm 
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There's a rumor he's living in Puff's closet. Oh, when will he come out?

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 5:15 pm 
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Never. He's havin' a great time there with Tom Cruise.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 5:18 pm 
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happo_no_giri wrote:
There's a rumor he's living in Puff's closet. Oh, when will he come out?


I wasn't planning on teaching him about Coming Out Of The Closet until next semester at the earliest.

In fact, it's probably best to just let him handle that in his own time.



And if you really need to talk about me, I guess a hotline has been set up, 1-888-KEN-CHAT,
where you can meet lots of other hot singles looking for a good time and some spicey gossip.






Or you could just call me, Salom. There's actually a lot I'd like to get off my chest right now.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 5:38 pm 
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Ken Socrates wrote:
Or you could just call me Salom.


Won't that get confusing?

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 6:40 pm 
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It would help if they switched nametags. And would probably be pretty funny too, but Salom is far too young to listen to what Ken hears on a daily bases. I know this only because I babysat his chatline one day when he was sick. The call volume was fairly low, which makes sense, seeing as how I was doing the answering instead of the calling that day, but the calls I did take were harrowing.

Of course, they were mostly just Ken calling in different voices to make sure I was staying at the phone, but they were disturbing nevertheless. He kept calling me Jenny.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 9:09 pm 
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Shlumpy Pillock
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Yeah, well, apparently the difference between you and Jenny is that Jenny knows the meaning
of the word discreet.



Isn't that right, Jenny?

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 9:51 pm 
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What the devil? Oh...

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 3:44 am 
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Well speak of the Devil…

Howdy folks. King of Hell here.

Oh, go on now. Don’t look so surprised. You knew I would show up sooner or later if you didn’t straighten up and fly right. Or perhaps you were expecting something a bit different, like maybe some scary goat-guy with fangs and talons to go stomping around snorting hellfire and writing bad checks.

Golly. This is just the kind of press I get. But I suppose I should be used to it by now. My PR team is the Pitts. I’m really just a sweetheart of a guy. Here, have a nice sausage. Relax. Have a drink. How about a little back massage? With scented oil? I’m really good you know. They don’t say “Get thee behind me,â€

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 3:49 am 
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Man, do you mean I can trade my soul for fame and fortune? I’ll do it! Where do I sign?

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I have turned a new leaf: everyday from here-on-out I shall make it a point to do some random act of bravery and then run like hell
http://steampunk.ning.com/profile/VonDarkfaulker


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 3:51 am 
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Um, no thanks. Not interested.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 4:11 am 
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Well, as long as I get the sex and the drugs, I could do without the Rock'n'Roll...

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The drug purportedly affected an area of the brain called "Shatner's Bassoon"

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 6:18 am 
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Shlumpy Pillock
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Lord of Darkness wrote:

Now Ken Socrates, on the other hand, has work to do. The members of the Backstreet Boys are getting older, and I promised to have something really special cooked up for those twisted little shits when their time comes. I’m thinking Ken’s the man to handle such a high profile affair. He is, after all, a bit of a celebrity in certain circles. Of Hell, I mean.



I always knew my hard work would pay off in the end.

Which, coincidentally, is exactly where the Backstreet Boys' will, too.

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Steal Compass. Drive North. Disappear.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 6:19 am 
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Lord of Darkness wrote:
Actually I’m just passing through. I only dropped by to take Ken and those lawyers down to the naughty place, fully in accordance to their respective contracts, of course.


But... but... I'm not a lawyer anymore! I found Jesus and G-strings!

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We aim to please.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 7:55 am 
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Whatever sweet cheeks, you know you’ve had it coming for a while now…

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Take that, My naughty little donkeys!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 9:51 am 
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Well now, wait a minute. I mean, my soul must be worth something? I mean, what if, say, I could be a star somehow? And rich? Could I give my soul for that?

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I have turned a new leaf: everyday from here-on-out I shall make it a point to do some random act of bravery and then run like hell
http://steampunk.ning.com/profile/VonDarkfaulker


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 9:54 am 
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Nope. Sorry. We are all filled up.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 1:46 pm 
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Maybe if you had offered me Monica. There are just too many hassles associated with that kind of money, man.

Plus, my skin dries out really fast in intense heat, dude. I think I'll give the morality thing a shot.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 2:30 pm 
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You think I can be bought so cheaply? Forget it.

I'm holding out for bigger buckeyes.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 4:32 pm 
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gonzoid wrote:
You think I can be bought so cheaply?


Don't listen to him. A couple of guinness and a single red rose between your teeth and he's yours.

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Steal Compass. Drive North. Disappear.

twitter: @kensocrates


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 5:14 pm 
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You bastard! Now everyone's going to know how little it takes to open my legs.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 5:20 pm 
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Shlumpy Pillock
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It's only fair after you scribbled my number on the bathroom wall at Friendly's.

Granted, I've made a great many new friends as a result...

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Steal Compass. Drive North. Disappear.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 5:30 pm 
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Ken Socrates wrote:
Granted, I've made a great many new friends as a result...


Not like the full-page ad in the Village Voice didn't help.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 4:50 am 
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Wow, talk about a tough sell. You guys drive a hard bargain, but I can respect that. If you ever change your minds, let me know. But please, you don’t have to call me Dark Lord or anything like that. Heck, just call me Lenny.

And that backrub offer still stands. Just say, “Get thee behind me, Lennyâ€

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 6:07 am 
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Powerful Bitch!
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Wait a minute ... Barry White? ... no one mentioned Barry White before ... this changes everything!

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 6:25 am 
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mg wrote:
Wait a minute ... Barry White? ... no one mentioned Barry White before ... this changes everything!


I’m nothing if not flexible. Your pleasure is My business. Guinness anyone?

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 6:31 am 
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Powerful Bitch!
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cheers!

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 2:07 pm 
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Frasier!

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 5:45 pm 
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Becker!

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 5:49 pm 
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Here's Looking At You, Kid
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Karloff

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The Thirteenth Triskaidekaphobe
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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 6:03 pm 
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Carmina!

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The drug purportedly affected an area of the brain called "Shatner's Bassoon"

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 6:07 pm 
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Burana!

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 6:13 pm 
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Burma!

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:05 pm 
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Powerful Bitch!
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Myanmar!

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:15 pm 
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Here's Looking At You, Kid
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Cyan Bar!

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:56 pm 
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Freak
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Taking it too far?

:mrgreen:

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 7:23 am 
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Like the backseat of a Volkswagen?

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 7:31 am 
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Guys, don't we already have several threads, namely this one, that have dissolved into and been dedicated to exactly this form of communication?

Oh yeah, sorry, O Lord of Darkness sir, I've already sold my soul to Paul Shaffer. Actually, all eight members of the CBS Orchestra have claimed part of it (an eighth, to be precise). Paul's just the only one who's paid up so far.

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I'm not in the mood for whirling


"But you have no weapons! No defenses! NO PLAN!"
"Yeah. And doesn't that scare you to death?"


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