Douglas Adams Continuum (DAC)

1-Don’t tug on Superman’s cape

2-Don’t spit into the wind

3-Don’t pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger

4-Don’t take checks from anyone named Lenny.

4.5-Unless their last name happens to be Kravitz

5-Remember to lift the toilet seat

6-If you need to bitch about the service, do it after you get your take out food

7-Never kiss a girl with an Adam’s apple

8-If you find money it’s mine

Did I leave anything out? Ah yes…











9-


10-


Go forth young man. You're ready to face the world!

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I have turned a new leaf: everyday from here-on-out I shall make it a point to do some random act of bravery and then run like hell
http://steampunk.ning.com/profile/VonDarkfaulker

You forgot:

3.5. You don't mess around with Jim

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www.nocandyasses.com

"The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule."--H.L. Mencken

www.campaignforliberty.com

Who's Puff

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Niklas
Thanks to Claire for the artwork.

11. Don't cry for Evita if you're Argentinian.

12. Stop and take the time to smell the roses. Stop and take the time to fill your noses.

13. Sometimes, she'll say 'yes'. Just ask her.



14. A sandwich is a sandwich but a Manwich is a meal.

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This has been another random act of nonsense.

Puff, or ‘Puff of Logic’ for formal. He is a young former that shows promise, which is why it would be a good idea us elders to take some time from our busy schedules and pass on a bit of our wisdom regarding the wily ways of the world.

And, Oh yeah, that’s right Oz…
.
15- Don’t mess around with Jim
‘he's big and dumb as a man can come
But stronger than a country hoss
And when the bad folks all get together at night
You know they all call big Jim boss’

16-Best to avoid Leroy Brown as well.


(Love that song though.)

_________________
I have turned a new leaf: everyday from here-on-out I shall make it a point to do some random act of bravery and then run like hell
http://steampunk.ning.com/profile/VonDarkfaulker

17 - Yo yo, no no yeyo.

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Sir Humphrey: With Trident we could obliterate the whole of Eastern Europe.
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You can't be a successful dictator and design women's underclothing. - Bertram Wooster, The Code of the Woosters

18. Don't eat the yellow snow.

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The truth ain't like puppies. A bunch of 'em running around, you pick your favorite.

There's nothing funny about a plastic vagina.

The Epic Project. It happened. Way too late.

19 : Don't believe Fox news if your life depends on it (which it does).

20 : Learn that the universe does not revolve around you and your time zone.

21 : Kraft cheese dinners are not reliable long term sustenance.

22 : Ring Tones are only about as fascinating as digital watches used to be.

23 : Keep your nails clean , you never know when cruci-fiction will strike.

24. The best way to get information from a forum is not to ask a question, but to give a bad answer.

25. Just because you know the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything, it doesn't mean that it all suddenly makes sense.

26. One in every seven days is a Thursday.

27. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright before you hear them speak.

25. Wibble.

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D.
The Thirteenth Triskaidekaphobe
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42. Don't panic.

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Sir Humphrey: With Trident we could obliterate the whole of Eastern Europe.
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You can't be a successful dictator and design women's underclothing. - Bertram Wooster, The Code of the Woosters

26. Just because the sex is online, it doesn't mean you still can't get a virus.

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I do radio commercials for...products.

Do not get get chinese characters tattoed on your body unless you happen to speak chinese.

Do not wear clothes with holes in them. You might call it fashion. I call it looking like a dickhead who can't even dress himself properly. Ditto for pre-worndown jeans, you know, the ones that look used, being sort of whitened, despite being brand new.

No matter who wears them, Toupees look fake. You aint foolin' anyone, baldy.

An Oscar is not necessarely the mark of a good actor or a good movie.

The next generation of consoles are in stores now, no matter what Sony says about them calling the shots.

Bacardi does not make good rum.

Never trust a man paid to say his opinions.

Do not use Q-tips. They can give you inflammation of the earcanal, and you don't want that.

Do not attempt to understand women. That is a fool's quest.

Ashton Kutcher is not funny.

The best shows on TV is rarely the ones that are on air for a decade, with a few exceptions, ofcourse.

Michael Jackson have not made a decent song since his Thriller Album. Or before.

Golf is not a sport.

Ludo is not a fun game.

There is to much poker on TV. I do not care how much Ben Affleck can win over that woman who was on News Radio.

Jay Leno is not funny, I have never seen him be funny and I doubt that I ever will see him be funny.

No matter what they claim, French wine is not good. If you want a good wine, get one from Chile.

Steven Spielberg is not a good director. If a man directs 45 movies, you would think that more than 5 would be worth seeing.

Lars Von Trier is insanely overrated, but he has labeled himself an artist, and now every idiot who wants to be seen as intelligent flock to the cinema every time he makes one of his cruddy movies.

Metallica sucks.

Dan Brown cannot write.

Hunter S. Thompson is a great writer.

Paris Hilton cannot sing.

Paris Hilton cannot act.

Paris Hilton probably cannot read.

Learn a foreign language. It will probably come on handy some day.

Only idiots change their name because numerologist says so. No one gets happier because their name has 3 Q's, the number 366, the Prince-symbol and the word Piggy in it.

Every member of NAMBLA deserves to be castrated with a sledgehammer.

Breastimplants are rarely an improvement.

If there is a word called Webmistress, I want the word Stewardess back.

Brad Pitt deserves a good beating for turning Angelina into a MILF.

Wilmer Valderama deserves a good beating. No specific reason.

Stay away from organised religion. Believe whatever you want, but let no one tell you what to believe.

Banning Hitlers paintings does not erase the past.

I don't know what the heck happened to Victoria Beckham, but I blame David.

Rodney King got what he deserved. If you drive down a road at 100 miles per hour while on PCP and attack a cop, you don't get to play the victim.

Videogames does not cause violence.


These are, ofcourse, just a few things that you should know, but I have written on this for quite some time, and I am getting tired. I might add some later.

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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.

-H.L. Mencken


[url]http://www.madmanoz.blogspot.com[/url]

Whatever you do- don't.

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The truth ain't like puppies. A bunch of 'em running around, you pick your favorite.

There's nothing funny about a plastic vagina.

The Epic Project. It happened. Way too late.

Whatever Ken Socrates tells You to do - don't do it.

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Sir Humphrey: With Trident we could obliterate the whole of Eastern Europe.
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You can't be a successful dictator and design women's underclothing. - Bertram Wooster, The Code of the Woosters

Only take advice from me.

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Personally, I believe joblessness is one of the core prerequisites for creativity. - OZ

#122: Mr. Green Still Sucks

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Steal Compass. Drive North. Disappear.

twitter: @kensocrates

Paris Hilton still...

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D.
The Thirteenth Triskaidekaphobe
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- Never put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear.
- Always blame it on eric.

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(... don't piss us off)

#whatever. Don't eat anything bigger than your head

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This has been another random act of nonsense.

127. the number 128 follows 127, 127 being the number exactly one hundred twenty six numbers past the number one.

Why does he need to know that?

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(... don't piss us off)

The boy should learn to count!

Aha, THAT Puff. Of course. Who else? Daddy Puff? No, I should have known, of course.

_________________
Niklas
Thanks to Claire for the artwork.

If you have to use a lifeline for one of the first five questions, you're not winning the million.

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I do radio commercials for...products.

If a woman takes her clothes of in front of an audience in a place with a bar, she is a stripper. No matter how much she dances, she is not a showdancer.

I don't know what the greatest movie ever is, but it is likely to star Bruce Campbell.

Curtis "50 cent" Jackson is not cool.

DO NOT EAT THE SNACKS IN A BAR.

Read books.

Friends are nothing but a bunch of running gags. Every joke that was ever on the show were directly related to a running gag. There are limits for how many times the line "How you doin'?" can be funny.

King of Queens were never funny. Even Jerry Stiller is not funny. They managed to make Jerry Stiller unfunny.

Golden Girls was the worst sit-com in the history of TV. Which brings me directly yo my next point.

Bea Arthur is the scariest thing ever.

Drink plenty of water.

Eat plenty of fresh fruit.

Clowns are not funny.

There is nothing funny about coulrophobia.

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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.

-H.L. Mencken


[url]http://www.madmanoz.blogspot.com[/url]

Don't drink the water in Mexico

Don't drink the water in New Mexico (Why take chances?)

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

Don't squat with your spurs on.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Never trust anything you read in a forwarded e-mail.

_________________
I do radio commercials for...products.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

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The truth ain't like puppies. A bunch of 'em running around, you pick your favorite.

There's nothing funny about a plastic vagina.

The Epic Project. It happened. Way too late.

123. Don't dress like Bill Belichick.
124. The winner takes it all, the looser's standing small.
125. It's larger on the inside.
126. I'm not dead yet.

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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
(Douglas Adams, "Last Chance to See")

Aarond is 12 years old.

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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.

-H.L. Mencken


[url]http://www.madmanoz.blogspot.com[/url]

These are not manly names:

Todd
Tucker
Francis
Jamie
Josh
Joey
Chandler
Ross
Kyle
Jared
Thobias
Stuart
Marion
Steve
Xavier
Paris
Conrad
Nicky
Alex
Dolph
Zach

There are more unmanly guynames, but I can't think of any more right now.

For some reason I right now got the feeling that by posting Fire Away, I will insult countless forummers. No matter. Puff needs to know these things.

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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.

-H.L. Mencken


[url]http://www.madmanoz.blogspot.com[/url]

127. Anything that is in the world when you are born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works.

128. Anything that is invented between the time you are fourteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary, and you can probably get a career in it.

129. Anything invented after you're thirty-five is against the natural order of things.

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Well what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today!

130-The natural order of things mostly bites.

_________________
I have turned a new leaf: everyday from here-on-out I shall make it a point to do some random act of bravery and then run like hell
http://steampunk.ning.com/profile/VonDarkfaulker

Never label another man as "unmanly." For instance, my younger brother is named a very similar "Jarrett." He is also 6'7", surley, covered in leather, spikes and chains and, at any given time, more than likely agressively medicated.

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"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."

131: People covered in leather, spikes and chains are most likely overcompensating for something.

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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.

-H.L. Mencken


[url]http://www.madmanoz.blogspot.com[/url]

Please don't expand on that theory any further. This is my brother we're talking about here.

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"Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings."

Emo's are not proper humans. It is therefore alright to mock them.

Chicks with southern accents are cute. For example, Jamie Presly in "My name is Earl" and that blonde one from "CSI Miami". Without accents they would not be nearly as cute.

Breasts are for lookin' at. Not starrin' at.

Pro-ana people needs to be hit in the face.


I am having quite fun dispensing my wisdom.

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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.

-H.L. Mencken


[url]http://www.madmanoz.blogspot.com[/url]

I am just sayin', that perhaps there is a reason that he tries so hard to be seen as manly.

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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.

-H.L. Mencken


[url]http://www.madmanoz.blogspot.com[/url]

431. Danes should stick to makin' bacon.

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D.
The Thirteenth Triskaidekaphobe
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1020304. Counting is not my strong suit

Volume 7, Tip #733.02, The Uncensored Version: There is not actually any valid way of accurately
determining the time of day by the feel of a donkey's testicles.

_________________
Steal Compass. Drive North. Disappear.

twitter: @kensocrates