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Ken Socrates
 Post subject: Handjobs Has Joined Us
PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 4:32 pm 
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I've a feeling that he's a bit shy, so I figured I might as well take the initiative and extend
a hearty DAC welcome to our newest pal, Handjobs.

I know he's not one to blow his own horn so I thought I'd introduce him. He's a Professor
of Theology at Notre Dame University but still practices his "true calling" as a street graffiti
artist. He's single but claims he can get "hot russian babes" anytime he wants so he's pretty
popular at parties beacuse of that and the dozen or so parlour tricks he can perform with
his exquisite collection of antique swords and daggers. His parents were both Dentists.

Besides all that though, he says he's not completely spiritually satisfied in life and is considering
joining the Peace Corps. He's a little rough around the edges but has a heart of gold and I'm
sure he'll fit in quite nicely here.

And he's good with his hands, I guess.

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Mike
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 4:59 pm 
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That's a very nice story Ken. I was especially moved by the graffiti part, as it's always good to see someone doing their thing on the streets.

And I guess the dentist part explains a lot.

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Puff
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 5:18 pm 
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Freak
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Location: Winter Wonder Land
:shock: :???:

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Tony
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 6:29 pm 
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Welcome HJ

With both your parents being dentists, I'd guess you have the best set of teeth we could ever come across, huh?

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The drug purportedly affected an area of the brain called "Shatner's Bassoon"

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
http://s267.photobucket.com/albums/ii297/h2g230/
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Seymour the Fractal Cat
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 7:23 pm 
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Tony wrote:
Welcome HJ

With both your parents being dentists, I'd guess you have the best set of teeth we could ever come across, huh?


Yes, and he'll take them out for you if you ask him nicely. :mrgreen:

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Lord-z
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 2:03 am 
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Lay off the guy. If he turns out to be a wanker you can beat him all you want. No need to get him off the board right away. If he really is that cool, maybe we should use a hands on approach. Offcourse, with a name like that he may just want to jerk us around.

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-H.L. Mencken


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kK stoned
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 2:38 am 
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Welcome Handjobs! :mrgreen:

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Fenchurch
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 6:11 am 
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Trey Parker and Matt Stone wrote:
There are times when you get suckerd in by drugs and alchohol and sex with Women. (ummkay) But it's when you do these things to much that you become an addict, and you must get back in touch.

you can do it it's all up to you (mkayy) with a little plan you can change your life today. You dont have to spend your life addicted to smack. Homeless on the streets giving handjobs for crack. Follow my plan and very soon you will say, its easy mmkay.

Step 1: Instead of ass say buns, like "kiss my buns" or "you're a buns hole"

Step 2: Instead of shit say poo, as in "bull poo", "poo head" and this "poo is cold"

Step 3: With bitch drop the t cuz bich is latin for generosity

Step 4: Dont say fuck any more cuz fuck is the worst word that you can say. So just use the word mmkay!

(we can do it it's all up to us! mmkay)
mmkay
(with a little plan we can change our lifes today)
you can change it today

(you dont have to spend your life)
Homeless on the streets giving handjobs for cash. Follow this plan and very soon you will say Its easy mmkay!

Step 1: Instead of ass say buns, like "kiss my buns" or "you're a buns hole"

Step 2: Instead of shit say poo, as in "bull poo", "poo head" and this "poo is cold"

Step 3: With bitch drop the t cuz bich is latin for generosity

Step 4: Dont say fuck any more cuz fuck is the worst word that you can say.
Cuz fuck is the worst word that you can say
Cuz fuck is the worst word that you can say

We shouldn't say fuck, no we shouldn't say fuck, fuck nooooo!!!>

Your cured, you can go!

We don't have to spend our lives shootin up in the trash
Homeless on the streets giving handjobs for cash
Follow this plan and very soon you will saaay

Its easy mmkay!

(It's easy mmkay!)

It's easy mmkay

(It's easy mm
It's easy mm
It's easy mmkay)

Mmkay
Mmkay
Mmkay

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horatio
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 8:08 pm 
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Welcome Handjobs! Have a hand jive.
Image
I know a cat named Way-Out Willie
He got a cool little chick named Rockin' Millie
He can Walk and Stroll and Suzy-Q
And do that crazy Hand Jive too

Papa told Willie You'll ruin my home
You and that Hand Jive has got to go
Willie said Papa don't put me down
They doin' that Hand Jive all over town
Hand Jive, Hand Jive, Hand Jive, doin' that crazy Hand Jive!
:happy:

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I have turned a new leaf: everyday from here-on-out I shall make it a point to do some random act of bravery and then run like hell
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gonz
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 8:13 pm 
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Welcome, Handjob. I've known your sister, Rosie Palm, very intimately over the years. She was a really good friend in high school.

And college.

And since then.

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Ken Socrates
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 9:20 pm 
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Yeah. And they're both from the north so they're a couple of yanks.

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horatio
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 10:39 pm 
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There was a lot of friction between them. I heard one had a stroke :happy:

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I have turned a new leaf: everyday from here-on-out I shall make it a point to do some random act of bravery and then run like hell
http://steampunk.ning.com/profile/VonDarkfaulker
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Seymour the Fractal Cat
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PostPosted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 10:44 pm 
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ImageImageImage


Two jerks & a squirt.

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moongoddess
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 3:41 am 
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Seymour the Fractal Cat wrote:
ImageImageImage


Two jerks & a squirt.

OK
That one's worth a second go.

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Fenchurch
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 4:02 am 
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Location: Across the Universe in a sky with diamonds.
:lol: :lol:

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Seymour the Fractal Cat
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PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 6:02 pm 
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moongoddess wrote:
Seymour the Fractal Cat wrote:
ImageImageImage


Two jerks & a squirt.

OK
That one's worth a second go.


I'll need a cigarette & half an hour to get my breath back.

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Tony
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 7:04 pm 
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SEYMOUR! :shock:





I never knew you smoked!

_________________
The drug purportedly affected an area of the brain called "Shatner's Bassoon"

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
http://s267.photobucket.com/albums/ii297/h2g230/
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Seymour the Fractal Cat
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 7:28 pm 
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Freud would have a field day.

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Lord-z
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 9:50 pm 
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If Freud was alive he would surf the internet for the various sexuialities. then kill himself in despair. In his days noone would wear diapers, noone would be turned on by asian women with (And I am not making this up) 2 foot long noses, gay people with (Still not made up) four arms.

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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.

-H.L. Mencken


[url]http://www.madmanoz.blogspot.com[/url]
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Veet
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 9:51 pm 
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...sorry, what?

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stejacorca
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 11:12 pm 
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Image

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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
(Douglas Adams, "Last Chance to See")
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moongoddess
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 11:16 pm 
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Location: A virtual landscape generated from numbers taken from dealings on the Tokyo stock market.
Image

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"Oh I'm a meat eater too. I love meat. Expecially meat with melted cheese." ... number 302079
(... don't piss us off)
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Mike
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 11:18 pm 
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moongoddess wrote:
Image


Words cannot accurately express how much I'm laughing right now.

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So long...etc.
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moongoddess
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 11:30 pm 
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A little pressie the moongod sent me the other day.
Nice, innut?

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"Oh I'm a meat eater too. I love meat. Expecially meat with melted cheese." ... number 302079
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Mike
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 11:33 pm 
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It is nice. Thank him for me, I needed this laugh.

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Gusty
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 11:44 pm 
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Here's Looking At You, Kid
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The package is the $lots of millions he wants to deposit in your bank account for safekeeping?

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moongoddess
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 11:49 pm 
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Location: A virtual landscape generated from numbers taken from dealings on the Tokyo stock market.
To be sure ...

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Tony
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 11:56 pm 
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Probably from this site, an old DAC favourite:
http://www.419eater.com/html/letters.htm

_________________
The drug purportedly affected an area of the brain called "Shatner's Bassoon"

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
http://s267.photobucket.com/albums/ii297/h2g230/


Last edited by Tony on Tue Aug 30, 2005 12:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Gusty
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 12:00 am 
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Location: Spending a year dead for tax reasons
A couple of years ago, a friend sent me this one, which I thought was quite funny:
Quote:
Highly Confidential.

Hello,

I’m Dick Cheney, Vice-President of the United States of America,
writing you from an undisclosed location. I am writing you because
I have been informed that you are a person of high character who
would be a reliable business partner.

I’m the former CEO of Halliburton, an international oil services
company. A considerable percent of my former company’s business
is conducted in the oil rich nation of Nigeria. Sometimes my former
company has to bribe prominent officials in the government in order
to have policies enacted that are favorable to the company’s
business goals. Although this is a regrettable practice, it is
necessary for my former company to maintain its position as a
global oil services company. As I am sure you are aware, my
former company was recently exposed for bribing a government
official for $2.4 million in order to get a tax break. My former
company doesn’t want to be exposed in the media like this again
and that’s why I have contacted you.

An unnamed official at my former company has informed me they
need to make a $5 million kickback payment to a prominent
government official in an important regulatory agency, or their
ability to do business in Nigeria will be severely compromised.
My former company needs an individual of high character like
yourself in order to forward this $5 million kickback payment
through your bank account. In return for your service you will
receive a payment of $2.5 million in one hundred, fifty and twenty
dollar bills, plus immunity from prosecution. If anybody tries to
expose what you’ve done in the media, I’ll have him detained
indefinitely under the PATRIOT Act.

Please contact me at my e-mail address and I will arrange to discuss
this transaction with you further: vice.president@whitehouse.gov. I
look forward to hearing from you. Perhaps someday I’ll let you hang
out with me at my undisclosed location.

Best and God Bless,

Dick Cheney


The really funny follow up is that the guy who was fired from Halliburton following the Nigeria bribery scandal was a Mr Jack Stanley - a distant relative of mine :???:

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moongoddess
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 12:01 am 
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Location: A virtual landscape generated from numbers taken from dealings on the Tokyo stock market.
(which is where the link behind the ellipsis my previous post takes you ...)

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"Oh I'm a meat eater too. I love meat. Expecially meat with melted cheese." ... number 302079
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moongoddess
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 12:03 am 
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Location: A virtual landscape generated from numbers taken from dealings on the Tokyo stock market.
((Not Halliburton, but uhm, wot Tony said.))

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"Oh I'm a meat eater too. I love meat. Expecially meat with melted cheese." ... number 302079
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gonz
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 3:03 am 
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Who thought that this group would have so much fun with a Handjob?

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This has been another random act of nonsense.
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Mike
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 3:07 am 
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I know, for a member that I said would soon be gone, not to mention that they have never posted, it seems a lot of people like Handjobs.

Oh, wait... :happy:

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So long...etc.
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moongoddess
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 3:13 am 
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Location: A virtual landscape generated from numbers taken from dealings on the Tokyo stock market.
SerenityScape wrote:
I know, for a member that I said would soon be gone, not to mention that they have never posted, it seems a lot of people like Handjobs.

Oh, wait... :happy:

Oh - Handjobs won't be posting anything ... I've seen to that.

_________________
"Oh I'm a meat eater too. I love meat. Expecially meat with melted cheese." ... number 302079
(... don't piss us off)
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Mike
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 3:16 am 
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(I kind of guessed that was the case) I guess we'll just have to keep his/her memory alive in this thread.

Or not, if you'd rather us leave it alone.

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moongoddess
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 3:21 am 
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Location: A virtual landscape generated from numbers taken from dealings on the Tokyo stock market.
Oh, no - by all means - have at it.

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"Oh I'm a meat eater too. I love meat. Expecially meat with melted cheese." ... number 302079
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Ouisgian Zhoda
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 4:59 am 
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I, personally, like Handjobs.
Nothing can make you feel better than Handjobs.
When you're feeling lonely, call Handjobs.
When you're feeling depressed, call Handjobs.
What can you do for fun when you don't have any money? Handjobs.
Handjobs is the best friend a person could have.
I thank Bob every day for Handjobs.

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Lord-z
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 12:25 pm 
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Now, how many spammers can brag about getting their own themesong?

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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.

-H.L. Mencken


[url]http://www.madmanoz.blogspot.com[/url]
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Nellodee
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 3:18 pm 
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moongoddess wrote:
SerenityScape wrote:
I know, for a member that I said would soon be gone, not to mention that they have never posted, it seems a lot of people like Handjobs.

Oh, wait... :happy:

Oh - Handjobs won't be posting anything ... I've seen to that.


i guess typing with one hand makes posting too hard for him anyway.
:wink:

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Either that or stronger chlorination...." (Pitbull)
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Mike
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 3:20 pm 
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Didn't think about it like that, but that's true Nell.

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So long...etc.
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stejacorca
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 4:40 pm 
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Maybe not just posting ... :mrgreen:

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Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
(Douglas Adams, "Last Chance to See")
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Seymour the Fractal Cat
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PostPosted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 5:06 pm 
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gonzoid wrote:
Who thought that this group would have so much fun with a Handjob?


Just about everybody that knows us I'd have thought...

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