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PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2011 11:11 am 
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Mr. Crazypants The Rogue FanFic-er
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Joined: Sun Mar 29, 2009 5:39 pm
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Location: Freiburg, Germany
... nor does the fact that I, well, let´s say, was, at some point, the most hated man on the forum speaks for being completely unknown here too, but I certainly have never introduced myself, I just went ahead and generally insulted everybody without taking the trouble to do it. :razz:

Right, perhaps this pic, which I have found when editing my blog (high time!), would help a bit about that, it explains namely some frustrations that lead to my Decision to Insult the English, beginning with the DAC. :lol:

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The English insulting me, pick-up in the Horse and Groom

(Jokes aside, as I remember vaguely that passenger was quite nice and we had a chat obviously about DA and "drink up, the world´s about to end".) Erm, might have complained a bit about my version being neglected too. :roll:))

Anyway, here seems to be the place to let everybody on the forum know something about yourself and so I put this here, my struggle with (English) authorities and my hate-love with Brighton, which seems to have just another chapter added.

Like I said, only B&H HCO between me and coming back to Brighton! I mean, it´s just a fact that a bunch of clowns are ruling England now and I´d never go back there if I would have to do the license again, I mean am I crazy or what? Unemployment is as bad as it wasn´t in the last 16 years. England has said no to EU-treaties therefore isolating herself even more. Cameron seriously amidst all these set- and cutbacks wants to give the second richest women in the country a new yacht for 60 million Pounds - I mean is this f...er crazy or what? Never would I go back unless they give me the license for free! Germany is doing just fine now, I could lead a much better living on benefits here than I could as a full-time cabby in Brighton, I would have a much better place and the same money left to live. This whole license-thing took me one year of my time, 15000 Euros and all I could achieve by doing it another time would be another round of full-time work to barely keep me alive, living in a rat-hole, getting abuse for free. I´d be out of my frickin mind to do this another time!

Here´s my new letter to HCO: Dear Mrs. ... First of all let me introduce myself, my name is Jochen Lembke, I'm German, 50 years old, I´m a writer and cab-driver. I have done the license for Brighton & Hove in 2008 and then worked as a cab-driver in Brighton during 2008/9. Before that I had driven a cab in Germany in two major cities roughly the same size of Brighton and after that in Zurich (Switzerland). So, this makes it a kind of a world-record, which I will apply for officially. (I applied previously, the first time they turned it down as it involved writing about it and that was just too complicatedly described for them), a cab-driver who has worked as a licensed driver in three countries so far and I am intending to expand it in the future to as many countries as I am able to achieve, my next step would probably be France. About this I keep a blog since 2008 and wrote a book about each country, according to this project I call myself “Europe´s cab-driving writer”. I am writing to you now because I would like to ask for an exception of the general practice in licensing. Regarding this I had already contacted Mr. ... last October via letter from Germany and also in person, I had come to Brighton for a week just for this. Regrettably he turned down my request, but we agreed on that I should contact you about this, dear Mrs. ..., as his superior. The thing is, I wasn´t able to renew my license in 2010, because at that time I didn´t hold a UK-driving license, only a Swiss one. (The year before I could manage to renew it, though I was no longer a UK-resident, but kept the UK-license in order to do a renewal and exchanged it afterward.) My project “Europe´s cab-driving writer“ requires me to go on from country to country. I´d really love to come back to Brighton yet (for another year in between or an even shorter period like only three months of a year), partly because of the standards in knowledge, that make me certainly more attached to Brighton than to Zurich, where I still by far don´t know all the roads by name, partly because of my undying love for it. I found out about the minute I left Brighton. Funny enough but only human. The only problem is the license, with the required annual renewal, linked with UK-residency and driving license. Therefore, I´d like to ask you to consider an exception to that general rule for me. In a sense this would be meeting only EU-standards. (In France for example, one gets a lot of credit with a valid EU-cab-license. I was in Colmar at the office and I had to show my German cab-license and a certificate of my employer stating 2 years of employment minimum in full time and for that they are willing to free me from the first two parts of the exam out of four. In Germany one can renew their license for 5 years and don't even have to show a valid driving license, in Zurich the license even lasts for life without renewal.) I am more than willing to pay the annual administration fee since 2010 and to show proof of my knowledge, which I have spent last year almost three months refreshing it, yet I can´t go through the whole process of renewing. So let me please explain my personal situation to make this plausible to you why I can´t do this anymore, why a refusal of my request could at the worst result in me not coming back to Brighton ever again. The whole process of coming to England and getting the license ended up costing me about 15000 Euros, which I had to put up myself, there was no support such as grants from any side, Germany or England, I wasn´t entitled to any benefits so I had to borrow the full amount from a close friend of mine (who is no friend anymore, in fact he doesn´t talk to me anymore because I was completely unable to pay him any money back due to the recession mainly). When I came over to Brighton I still could see passengers queuing for taxis in the station, by the time I finished the license it was the other way round, due to the recession there were now just queues of taxis, no passengers anymore. So, due to the high costs of living and low income I was completely unable to put any money aside for all of the 9 months I was working there, I was even unable to pay the aprox £900 tax, I had no other choice than to leave England without paying them, I had no money left at all except what I had to use for moving back and to support myself for the first month back in Germany. As it stands I am still 30000 Euros in debts and I am not able to finance another licensing procedure again this time. I may not be able to do this at all, like I said. So, practically I am begging you to make an exception for me. I would be really, really glad if I could go back to Brighton for another time, I still remember perfectly well what we were being told back then that we should be ambassadors of Brighton and what better ambassador can you think of than me blogging about it! If you´d have a look on my blog you´d see that I wasn´t in a really cheerful mood when I left in early 2009, but that was mainly because of the recession and the really gloomy atmosphere at that time, also because I had serious problems at the place I stayed and furthermore I had high expectations in some private matter, about someone, which didn´t turn out the way I was hoping, which resulted in me regretting I had left England right from that moment on. Of course there are big cultural differences between our two countries and I am sometimes amused or tend to look at England in a satirical way, but that´s because I am a writer and it certainly helped to put this all into a much better perspective when I left chaotic England and came to well organised Switzerland, where everything is perfect but somehow lifeless, so I really began to miss the English and the way they always manage to stay on top of chaos. Though I think even more exchange of thoughts and ideas would do Brighton good as it would to England, which is about to become more isolated than ever. Not only as a writer but in general I´m a very considerate, responsible and caring person and I had a lot of thoughts about problems I could observe in Brighton, for example I very much miss in the city with the oldest tram in the world a tram, actually, in Freiburg (Germany), where I spent most of my life or in Zurich, where I drove a cab for 16 months, public transport rely mostly on trams and it´s just perfect. So, for example I was speaking in favor of running a tram along the sea-front, as many people in Brighton would like, and it would keep the buses away from the main taxis, which should be pedestrianised as in Worthing (where I lived for half a year), I have written a huge article about day-to-day problems in Brighton and how they could be solved (you´d find the whole article on my blog) and sent letters to officials (but they were ignored.) I´d also very much like to do my part to make some kind of an impact on the cab-trade in general, according to my plans all throughout Europe, to help wherever I can with my knowledge and experience to improve this job, I am I enlisted in cab-forums in four countries at the moment and I hope I can do a lot more constructive work within the next decade. In general, I am very much a supporter of the strict licensing procedure in Brighton, it sets the standards of how it generally should be anywhere and I am willing to point that out to everybody, yes, all over the world. So by helping me and making an exception to the strict rules in licensing you might actually add to make Brighton influence the cab-world a tiny bit and make rules more strict. A contradiction, but then again, no rule without exception, isn´t it? Last but not least, of course, I´d like to point out my literature work not only in the field of cab-driving (to which I have dedicated four novels so far), but also Douglas Adams, too, the Hitch-Hiker´s Guide to the Galaxy, where I have done another translation of all the five books and even written a sixth volume in both German and English, of course all of it was not authorised yet it made quite an impression, I´ve even had personal contact to the deceased author´s own brother about it. Obviously I am not giving up on it to be another official version along the one of Eoin Colfer, which is surely more suitable for young readers. I'd like to end now, apologise for having written a lot of stuff which is not really relevant for the licensing, I hope you don´t mind, I just wanted to give you a short impression of me and what I am doing that perhaps could influence you to think that I would be worthy to make an exception. According to what Mr. ... said, there had never been someone else in my situation and I don´t think that this would do any harm to anything, yet would help me and my project tremendously. All the best, yours truly, Jochen Lembke, Europe´s cab-driving writer PS: I had a lot of English passengers in Zurich, by the way, as obviously for tax reasons entire head offices transfer from England to Switzerland, two even were from Brighton.

_________________
Jochen Lembke, Europe´s cab-driving writer, Germany, England, Switzerland and so on, the cab-world-record that goes on and on, and author of the best H2G2-sixth volume ever written or else money back! Haha.
Blog in English language: http://ejochenlembke.wordpress.com/


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2012 5:43 am 
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Mr. Crazypants The Rogue FanFic-er
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Joined: Sun Mar 29, 2009 5:39 pm
Posts: 222
Location: Freiburg, Germany
It pretty much looks like I´ll never be a cab-driver in Brighton again:

Quote:
Dusty Bin wrote:
So what are the numpties there saying?

A summary of what was going on on the numpty-forum (Brighton & Hove cab-trade forum):

At first I made a nice introductional post pointing out my post on TDO and that I couldn´t make a renewal for I had a Swiss licence at that time. Andyp welcomed me on the forum, yet called my quest fruitless and said he is glad the council stuck to its rules. He then asked if I´d still “hold my Swedish licence”, he also made a mistake in typing, which made it difficult for me to understand what he meant. This already annoyed me and lead to some surplus aggravation, so I would call this a bad start already.

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Although I had corrected him about the Swedish licence, Andyp still was under the impression I am Swedish, which now gives me the impression he just doesn´t read what I am writing. Another forum member interferes and also shows he doesn´t read what I am writing “You wanted a special privilege, to be allowed to drive a Brighton & Hove taxi with a Swiss licence, what makes you think you are entitled to this?” This is utter bollocks, I didn´t say any of this. Although they don´t read what I am writing they are attacking me, accusing me of their own faults: “Remove the obstinacy & insults, state your FACTS clearly & succinctly then maybe, just maybe, some might listen”

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It finally seeped through to Andyp I am not Swedish, he then he asked me “Do you currently have a UK driving licence?” although I have made it perfectly clear I am currently holding a German licence. I am under the impression already this is truly a forum for numpties. People were beginning to react in a hostile manner, one posted a pair of boots, the other called what I have written “tripe”.

The character using the nick “Betty Swollocks”, the one who has posted the pair of boots, now became really engaged in this and began to unload a huge pile of personal rage on me. He turned the fact I just couldn´t pay any taxes, because there simply was no money left, against me, accusing me of making a runner. None of the crazy types I was living with as a lodger had that money declared! That´s why I couldn´t claim housing benefit, too.

They were beginning to react really hostile and racist against me, I mentioned that the English are not really that much well regarded by quite a few people in Germany too and quoted someone from the German cab-forum: “For heaven´s sake, don´t bring any limeys here. I don´t want anything to do with those apes from the island. They are worse than a million Salafists!”

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Now there was some useful info in between from someone telling me that there had been drivers in my situation before and they had done the licence anew.
I was now emphasising a bit my European standpoint and responsibility, which didn´t lead to much enthusiasm, as expected, I got the feeling I am being dismissed, Andyp said the thread has run it´s course.

Then I made a mistake or perhaps not a mistake, in my sometimes painful moments of truth I mentioned the trouble with that girl I am having currently for five years, just to show them that it´s not a German-against-English-authorities thing and because it is all public anyway.

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Now, first, I want to make it perfectly clear that I don´t have any more trouble with women other than that I didn´t finish my studies in medicine and instead decided to write about a job with a bad reputation, full of jerks, become a "working-class hero". I was even living with a woman for 10 years which is now married to a judge!

But I ran into this girl 5 years ago, which appears to me was sort a destiny thing, it is almost like this was meant to be by a higher being and in the course of these troubles with her, that led to me ultimately writing a book about her, she went hysterical and must have been imagining all kinds of things, which led to an injunction based on a heap of false accusations against me, which I violated many times, had to, to put things right again, and to a minor conviction of a fine of 260 Euros.

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The whole thing was called "a mild form of stalking”, just to give it a name, although I did nothing more than to desperately try come to peaceful terms with her again and make her see that this all nothing but hysteria on her side and that´s why I named my book “Zicking!”, which is a German expression for “bitching!”

I said on the forum: “I repeat, I am in the process of appealing, back then in 2009 I was underestimating the real meaning of a conviction, I thought, my, it´s only 260 Euros I have to pay and then they leave me alone, I was about to go Switzerland and I just hadn´t the nerve to stand up against this, woman claimant, her woman solicitor, my woman solicitor, which I had dismissed only then, woman state attorney and woman judge, man, I felt like those poor women back then accused of witch-craft and burnt on a stake-pile, it was in no way different. I can only say, I love this girl, despite of what she has done to me (and she is doing to herself) and I will always love her and I am sure that this will have a happy ending, because love is always stronger than hate.”

Yet from that moment on I was finished for good on the numpty-forum! Had they been abusive to me from the very start they now lynched me, hang the nigger!

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I said there: “You know, some English people really scare me, when I think of most of the SUN-readers and football hooligans in this country… Anyway, do it the SUN-way, jump to conclusions, simplify, do wrong quotes, turn anything against me, portray me instead of what I am, someone with the best intentions, as the sick scum you want me to portray – those of you who do that would have done it anyway, I can´t change that, I can´t reach those people anyway.”

I pointed out that I got my German licence renewed in 2011, despite all that and they have an enhanced CR-check as well there, but it was all in vain, they still went on and it finally resulted in admin Andyp saying (still not able to write my name correctly)

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“I have unlocked this topic to allow others who have been reading this to add any comments…. but Mr Jochen Lembre is no longer a forum member so we will not have to be bogged down by his unbalanced way of life.
I have had a couple of pm’s about this chap… and asking as to why the topic was allowed to go on for so long".

Now get a hold of this!

"The main reason being that it was hoped that this forum would do the Brighton & Hove taxi trade a big favour and allow this chap to show his true self and that those people who are responsible for licensing drivers would get the opportunity to have a proper insight to this chaps character.
Nobody asked him to post on here.. and all the information he gave about himself was offered freely.
Rambot did a great favour by reading through his blog site.. something I couldnt be bothered to do.. and forwarded the following that this chap had written for public viewing:"

Now get a hold of that:

“So, I have one girl getting in my cab and saying that it smells like coffee, I offer her a sip and you know what, she accepts and drinks from out of my coffee cup! Then I have another girl and we have a nice chat, there she says, before she gets out, “come on, give me a kiss!” So I do, I kiss her on the mouth. And you know what, it feels sooo wonderful, she is really young and pretty and it has been ages since I’ve kissed a girl on the mouth”
I sincerely hope that this man is never licensed in Brighton & Hove and that the HCO is now fully aware of the above statement made by Jochen Lembke who admits in public the above actions whilst driving a Brighton & Hove hackney carriage.”

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Only to be followed by, someone else: “I am gob smacked at that part of his blog when he states those encounters with those two women passengers while working as a B&H cab driver! Totally unbelievable that he considers himself to be a responsible taxi driver!! This man is obviously a menace and should never be allowed back into the UK let alone work as a cab driver. If the HCO is reading this then please make a note of this man as he is not wanted in the trade!”

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More, from another one: “well done Andy for opening up the topic again, the man is a self confessed lunatic, pervert, and probably just desperate for a woman type of nutcase. This man must never be allowed to drive a taxi here, no telling what he may get up to. The worst thing of all is not only the doing but the shouting about it also. He clearly states in his blog he has even written a book about the bitch, the one he was stalking.”

Now I want to make it perfectly clear as I did on this blog of mine before already, I left England because I think a considerably large part of the English is rude, racist, aggressive, bigoted, chauvinistic and repressed, it´s the Tories, SUN-readers and football-hooligans, that make me sometimes really afraid of this country.
I do in fact know it is only a part of England and other people are really nice and that sick people are all over Europe, too – but still, being confronted on a forum like this with all these types - I might better not go back to England ever again as a cab-driver.
I also want to point out that I still write about and portray this job and its drivers, in England, as well as in other countries, and I don´t necessarily have to be an active driver in this country for that!

So, here´s the whole article from my blog, with the coffee and the girl that kissed me on the mouth. The passage in bold is what one of the numpties has ripped out of the context, to make me look bad, just the way Rupert Murdoch would do. The very next sentence, "I’ve had nothing but work in the last years" is already cut off, because he wanted to make me look like an offender, not a hard working person, which I am, and all the context around it giving it an entire different meaning is not quoted, too.

Well, well, English girls, how about that. During the day, especially when stressed, the defenses go up when you just try to be a little friendly. At night, when having had just a few drops of alcohol, they can really go wild. I’ve heard something on the radio, like England would be the most promiscuous country in Europe, only followed by Germany, well, makes sense, I guess. So, I have one girl getting in my cab and saying that it smells like coffee, I offer her a sip and you know what, she accepts and drinks from out of my coffee cup! Then I have another girl and we have a nice chat, there she says, before she gets out, “come on, give me a kiss!” So I do, I kiss her on the mouth. And you know what, it feels sooo wonderful, she is really young and pretty and it has been ages since I’ve kissed a girl on the mouth, I’ve had nothing but work in the last years. “I will put this on my blog” I say, a little dazzled. I can still taste her lip-stick 20 minutes later.

So, later on there’s a couple boarding my cab. She gets in first, doesn’t say a word, her boy-friend deals with that person that steers the car that gets her to where she wants, that human annex of the machine. He’s friendly, but it’s a kind of “happy-New-Year-driver”-friendliness. We drive, then they make me do an illegal turn and then they kiss, in the back. Reminds me of something. “Hey, I just got kissed by a girl”, I say. “It was really nice.” I don’t know, I just say things like that sometimes. I’ve been a cab-driver for so long now, every passenger who gets in my cab is like someone I know for decades, I tell people everything and most of the times, they return the favour. Yet, she reacts really, really badly. “There’s a thing called privacy”, she says coldly. “I don’t want to hear about it. I think this is really poor of you.” Yeah, right, lady, I was only telling you about that kiss and you were performing it right in front of my eyes in the rear mirror, that privacy kind of a slobbering act, lady. “You’ve got to keep things like that for yourself.” Yeah, right, lady, speak your mind, I will do mine. “Oh no, I will tell it to the world!” I say. This is not only a mourning blog! It’s not just bad things happening to me! And I give my business-card card to the man, who’s just getting out. “F_uck you!” he says. And throws the card onto the back seat. “You were being rude to me!” And he says, he thinks I’m jealous. Here I am, proud of being kissed by that really nice girl and he’s making it like I’m jealous. I tell you what, I’m not jealous. There’s loads of girl you can pick up at each corner if you have a little money, who are really pretty on the outside but ugly from within. And I tell you, your girl is such a person, I wouldn’t want her for a single night, I tell you that, I really don’t. I never had any money in all my life because other things were always more important to me and I never wanted girls like that and I don’t envy you her. But this is a cab-driver, an underprivileged being and of course he’s jealous for he never has the chance to get such fabulous ladies as you have, mate, right? On the meter is £5.80. He throws a fiver at me. “Here’s your money”, he says. They walk away. I turn and roll down a window. “It’ll be on my blog too, how you short-changed me!”


The whole thread on Taxi Driver Online: http://www.taxi-driver.co.uk/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=17526

_________________
Jochen Lembke, Europe´s cab-driving writer, Germany, England, Switzerland and so on, the cab-world-record that goes on and on, and author of the best H2G2-sixth volume ever written or else money back! Haha.
Blog in English language: http://ejochenlembke.wordpress.com/


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 9:45 pm 
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Mr. Crazypants The Rogue FanFic-er
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Joined: Sun Mar 29, 2009 5:39 pm
Posts: 222
Location: Freiburg, Germany
Mr. Crazypants? Hey, where do you see any - pants? :shock:


Image

_________________
Jochen Lembke, Europe´s cab-driving writer, Germany, England, Switzerland and so on, the cab-world-record that goes on and on, and author of the best H2G2-sixth volume ever written or else money back! Haha.
Blog in English language: http://ejochenlembke.wordpress.com/


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2012 10:24 am 
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Mr. Crazypants The Rogue FanFic-er
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Joined: Sun Mar 29, 2009 5:39 pm
Posts: 222
Location: Freiburg, Germany
Image

I have just finished translating this book into German.
Erm, this time I was the official translator.
See more:

http://davidswanson.org/outlawry

_________________
Jochen Lembke, Europe´s cab-driving writer, Germany, England, Switzerland and so on, the cab-world-record that goes on and on, and author of the best H2G2-sixth volume ever written or else money back! Haha.
Blog in English language: http://ejochenlembke.wordpress.com/


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